If you asked a coworker, “What did you think of the meeting?”, a female colleague’s response might come across differently than a male colleague, even if they convey the same meaning.  

Your female coworker might say, “I think the meeting went well, and it seemed like everyone had a chance to share their thoughts. What did you think?” Your male coworker, on the other hand, might offer a more concise reply, such as, “It was fine.”  

Why Do Men and Women Communicate So Differently?  

This isn’t about stereotypes. Plenty of men focus on forming emotional connections (“rapport talk”), and many women favor a straight-to-the-point communication style (“report talk”). But, in general, men and women do communicate differently, and understanding these subtle differences is often key to navigating around conversational landmines. 

Men vs. Women: The Why Behind the What of Communication 

As babies, regardless of gender, our primary goal is the same: to express our needs to caregivers through cries, coos, or smiles. As we grow and develop language skills, we begin conveying thoughts and emotions in more advanced ways, both verbally and nonverbally. Though communication styles vary significantly across individuals, here are some common patterns researchers have noted in male and female communication. 

Women: Building Bonds 

Women frequently use communication as a tool to deepen connections and nurture relationships, relying on empathy, understanding, and inclusivity when framing their thoughts. For example, hoping to connect with her partner, a woman might say, “Can we talk?” For her, talking for the sake of talking is part of being in a relationship. Relationship talk, to her, affirms their love for one another and reinforces the existence of their relationship.  

Men: Solving Problems 

When he hears that his partner wants to talk, a man might assume the worst. What’s wrong? I thought things were going well between us? Typically, when a relationship is progressing smoothly, men see no reason to talk about it. Men, for the most part, don’t want to “just talk.” It’s not that men are heartless; they just have a different approach to communication.  

These varying communication approaches are a big reason why men and women don’t always see eye-to-eye. Women converse to sustain relationships, while men prefer to solve problems and realize goals. So, in a heterosexual relationship, when a man doesn’t want to discuss his relationship, his female partner may assume (understandably) that the relationship is in trouble.  

Verbal Communication 

According to researcher Albert Mehrabian, only 7% of communication relies on actual words, with the remaining 93% stemming from tone and nonverbal cues. Despite this small percentage, verbal language is crucial in shaping how people perceive our words. Men and women often approach this 7% with their own distinctive delivery, which reflects their different communication styles. 

Women: Collaborative and Considerate Communication 

Women frequently prioritize harmony when shaping their thoughts into words, softening their statements to avoid conflict or offending others. For example, in an email to a coworker, a woman might write, “I think this approach could work, but maybe we should consider other options too.” This hedging language is collaborative, encouraging dialogue without asserting dominance. 

While effective in fostering positive relationships, women’s communication styles can also be direct and assertive when the situation calls for it. For instance, a woman leading a team project might say, “We need to meet the deadline by Friday. Let’s assign tasks today and reconvene tomorrow to check progress.” 

Men: Direct and Decisive Communication 

Men, on the other hand, are typically more straightforward and assertive when communicating verbally or in a written format. In the same email scenario, a man might write, “This approach works best. Let’s move forward with it.” This concise tone conveys confidence and decisiveness, prioritizing efficiency over relational considerations. 

However, with a clear understanding of relational nuances, men can enhance the effectiveness of direct communication while still maintaining positive relationships. For example, in a team setting, a man might say, “This is the most practical solution. Let’s move forward with it, but I’m open to hearing other suggestions if anyone has concerns.” 

Nonverbal Communication 

Research highlights the importance of nonverbal cues like body language, facial expressions, and tone, allowing us to better convey our intentions and emotions. These silent signals often reveal what words do not. 

Nonverbal Communication in Women 

Many women tend to rely on nonverbal gestures to enhance what they’re feeling, including facial expressions, such as smiles or raised eyebrows that show excitement or surprise. Additionally, women are more inclined to maintain frequent eye contact, which exhibits attentiveness and an emotional connection to whomever they’re speaking. This expressiveness extends to their ability to decode nonverbal cues from others, making them generally better at interpreting subtle emotional undertones. 

Nonverbal Communication in Men 

In contrast, men often display a more reserved approach to nonverbal communication. Many men avoid prolonged eye contact, as it’s sometimes associated with emotional vulnerability. Instead, they may rely on physical gestures, which, while less frequent, are often more pronounced or expansive when used. 

These larger gestures can convey authority or assertiveness but may lack the nuanced emotional detail often found in women’s nonverbal cues. However, nonverbal communication varies widely based on context and cultural upbringing. 

Learn To Communicate Like a Pro With UT Permian Basin By Your Side 

Communication may be a universal skill, but how we express ourselves varies from person to person. Today, men and women both adapt diverse communication styles that go beyond traditional stereotypes. Shared environments, such as workplaces or collaborative settings, influence and often blur these distinctions, fostering unique communication dynamics. 

If you’re ready to elevate your communication skills, The University of Texas Permian Basin offers a Bachelor of Arts in Communication designed to fit your busy life. Delivered 100% online, this program empowers you to develop critical thinking and master essential techniques in areas like public relations, crisis communication, and small group collaboration. 

We know every student’s goals are different, which is why we offer four specialty tracks to customize your degree: 

  • Communication Studies 
  • Strategic Messaging 
  • Professional Communication 
  • Sports Media 

Take the next step toward advancing your career and personal growth. Explore the track that aligns with your future goals, and fill out an application when you’re ready to take the first step. 

Sources: 
https://online.utpb.edu/about-us/articles/communication/how-much-of-communication-is-nonverbal/
https://www.iosrjournals.org/iosr-jhss/papers/Vol2-issue1/D0211827.pdf
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/202203/differences-in-nonverbal-cues-between-men-and-women
https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication
https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9780367822323/gender-communication-connection-teri-kwal-gamble-michael-gamble