Picture this: Someone catches your eye from across the bar. Heart racing, you summon every ounce of courage and walk over to them, every step feeling like an eternity. You deliver your best pickup line, and against all odds, they smile. Cue the butterflies in your stomach performing aerial maneuvers. A playful nudge here, a well-timed laugh there, and before you know it, they’re asking for your number.  

Suddenly and without warning, the dream ends, and you wake up in a cold sweat, heartbroken and wondering why your sleep paralysis demon is looking so cute.  

Flirting’s hard. That’s why humanity invented science, devoting millennia and our collective understanding of the natural world to rizz up crushes.  

Today, we’ll take an intimate look at the science of flirting, under one condition: You promise to only use this knowledge for good. Flirting isn’t about tricking someone into liking you. It’s about being genuine, patient, and honest with yourself.  

What Exactly Is Flirting? 

Flirting is humanity’s version of a courtship dance. Formally, it’s all about verbal and nonverbal courtship behaviors intended to spark attraction and catch the interest of that special someone.  

Some of us are natural flirts, capable of charming with little more than a glance and a raised eyebrow. And some of us … not so much. But fear not: Flirting is a skill, and like any other skill, it can be honed with practice.  

What Does the Science Tell Us?  

According to the parental investment theory, women evolved to be coy, allowing more time to assess potential mates. Why? Maternal investment leaves women holding the bill: A one-night stand can lead to fun, or it can lead to fun and a surprise pregnancy. Meanwhile, men are more aggressive because they’re hardwired to father as many children as possible with multiple partners.  

Sounds kind of stereotypical, right? Turns out, even when taking into account sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and gender role ideology, the theory holds up. People who identify as masculine are more likely to flirt overtly, while people who identify as feminine more often go for subtle, nonverbal cues.  

This creates a fascinating (and sometimes frustrating) dynamic. Men often overestimate romantic interest—mistaking playful banter for a flirtatious remark—while women underestimate it—seeing an arm around the shoulder as playful teasing. Anyone who’s vibed with someone only to be shot down has experienced this firsthand.  

How to Flirt According to Science  

Want to up your flirting game? The science of flirting offers a simple solution: Mix it up. Ladies, try being a little more direct. And fellas, pump the breaks a little. Be cool and confident, but make your interest clear. 

We admit it: “Communicate clearly and effectively” isn’t exactly revolutionary advice. To make it up to you, here are some other flirting strategies backed by science.  

1. Make Eye Contact (and Smile) 

Here’s a little secret: It’s not always the most gorgeous people who get attention; it’s the ones who look approachable. That’s why smiling and making eye contact should be your go-to moves. Not everyone can read minds. If they’re into you, they’ll reciprocate. If not, c’est la vie.    

2. The Magic Touch 

Touching is one of the most effective ways to flirt, but only when done respectfully. A gentle touch on the waist, shoulder, or forearm can send sparks flying. Feeling bold? A soft caress of the cheek is the ultimate move, but this is a tactic reserved for women. Guys, boundaries matter. (That’s just good life advice.) But don’t worry: The next dating strategy is tailor-made for men.  

3. Spread Out (But Don’t Manspread)  

Flirting is mostly nonverbal, and subtle moves like a raised eyebrow, lip bite, or wink are often enough to get the point across. But one of the best flirting tactics for men is space maximization: positioning your body so it takes up more space. Taking a wider stance, extending an arm across the back of a chair, or moving around a room frequently signals social dominance—and yes, that’s scientifically attractive. Just keep it classy. 

4. Have A Sense of Humor  

Humor is a flirting superpower. According to the theory of mental fitness indicators, humor evolved as a reliable way to find a partner. Why? Humor, which is an indicator of intelligence and creativity, is hard to fake. In psychological studies, women tended to prefer a partner that could make them laugh. Men, on the other hand (and yes, this is a little sad), tended to favor someone who laughed at their jokes—even the bad ones.  

Get Out There and Mingle   

Whether you’re on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge or chatting up someone the old-fashioned way, the basics still apply: Smile, make eye contact, and for the love of science, have a sense of humor. Flirting may feel like a lost art, but with a little science and a lot of authenticity, you’ve got everything you need to make it work. So, get out there, mingle, and remember: This is supposed to be fun.  

Take Your Studies Further  

Intelligence is the ultimate turn on—at least, that’s what our sapiosexual friends say. So, why not focus on studying human behavior instead of trying to perfect your pickup lines?  

The University of Texas Permian Basin offers an online Bachelor of Arts in Sociology program that tries to answer one of life’s biggest questions: What does it mean to be human? Through courses like Sociological Theory, Women’s Studies, and Culture and Society, you’ll explore the intricacies of human behavior across a variety of contexts. Not only will you gain a fresh perspective on what makes people tick, you’ll also be ready for a rewarding career tackling issues like social inequality.  

Don’t Fear Rejection   

Ready to make the first move? Muster up the courage, put your best foot forward, and apply to UT Permian Basin’s online BA in sociology program. The worst we can say is no, but something tells us that you’ve got this. 

Sources: 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202404/the-science-of-flirting
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240206-why-flirting-might-be-good-for-your-relationship
https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/