“Sorry, I hated that. Sorry, I wish I hadn’t said that.”
“Sorry, is this coffee? Sorry, this is my fault.”
Comedian Amy Schumer cast light on an all-too-common reality for many women with a 2015 sketch from her show “Inside Amy Schumer.” Entitled “I’m Sorry,” the sketch depicts female thought leaders on stage who apologized so profusely that they never got a chance to share their expertise.
The video addresses a troubling but persistent trend in our society: Studies show that women do indeed apologize more than men—but why?
Over-apologizing happens for many reasons, including:
Apologizing “too much” has also been linked to mental health conditions like social anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). While the ability to make a genuine apology shows empathy and good social skills, over-apologizing can also reveal a lack of confidence and fear of confrontation.
A study by Psychological Science found that while women do apologize more than men, there’s an underlying disparity. Women reported offering more apologies than men but also committing more offenses.
Men, on the other hand, showed a higher threshold to what we perceive as offensive behavior. In fact, while women over-apologize, it has been found that men under-apologize, as they more often believe that society views apologetic behavior as a weakness.
As part of their study on gender bias in the workplace, the International Labor Organization (ILO) found that men’s assertiveness is often viewed more positively because it’s associated with leadership. Women’s assertiveness, on the other hand, is often interpreted as aggressive. As a result, women try to navigate these expectations to avoid backlash. Research has shown that 42% of working women in the United States have experienced gender discrimination at work.
Traditional gender roles begin during childhood. According to psychologist Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, girls are more often rewarded for considering others’ feelings, while boys are more often rewarded for being assertive.
Traditionally, girls are expected to grow up to become polite, communal, and nurturing. Boys, on the other hand, are expected to be grow into assertive, dominant, and unemotional men.
Gender-descriptive language is evident from the moment we’re born: If we hear the word “pretty,” we’ll usually assume it’s describing a girl. If we hear the word “strong,” we generally associate this with a boy.
In modern society, women have entered the workforce and staked their claim in many traditionally male-oriented roles, so the messages that girls receive about socially acceptable behavior may become confusing. Some of these are: to assert yourself without being bossy, to be pretty without showing off, and to be laid back without becoming a pushover.
These contradictory expectations can make women feel confused about the right actions and behavior, leading to feelings of insecurity. This is where, “Sorry, but…” comes in. Girls grow up hyper-aware of their actions and surroundings.
While women’s tendency to over-apologize sheds light on gender biases within our society, apologizing differs significantly across cultures. Researchers found that while an individual-centered culture like the United States sees an apology as assessing a blame, a collectivist culture like Japan views an apology as an expression of remorse. This reveals intriguing insights into how social norms and values shape our behaviors.
Imagine a world where individuals are free from limiting expectations, like the complex dynamics of why women feel the need to over-apologize. Sociology offers a lens through which we can analyze and critique societal norms, gender roles, and power structures that contribute to gender-based behaviors.
With the online Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from The University of Texas Permian Basin, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of how socialization, cultural expectations, and systemic discrimination shape our actions and perceptions. The program is entirely online, and classes are asynchronous, so you can study from anywhere in the world, on your own terms. Graduates can pursue a variety of roles in fields like:
Want to learn the skills needed to address gender bias head-on and help pave the way for an inclusive future for everyone? Visit our Apply page when you’re ready.
Sources:
https://oasiseducation.com/4-ways-to-stop-apologizing-for-apologizing.
https://childmind.org/article/why-girls-apologize-too-much
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